Okay, how many of you spend more time thinking about how to present yourself online than what you’re looking for in a man? I know the answer. I’ve spoken with so many of you. And what I want you to do is to go back into your profile and your request and come back to me saying that you’ve put twice as much energy into whom you want to meet than to how you might seem to that person. It’s not easy to do.
We’re trained to see ourselves through men’s eyes. Am I thin enough? Does this phot make me look sexy enough? Am I young enough, hip enough? Will he mind that I have a child, two ex husbands, a dog? My response to this is, well yeah, we’re all in this weird online competition, but listen to the goddess: this is important.
You must say very specifically what you want in a man. Not vague stuff (“Fit and athletic”), but very clear. I’ll tell you right that you’ll recoil from this–it’s our training–but I want you to do it. “Looking for a man who skis. He’s prompt. He likes to dance will actually find places for us to do so. Likes Mark Knopfler. Knows why Joni Mitchell is important. ” Does this sound silly? It sure doesn’t to the legions of women who have too many guys contacting them, none of whom have any qualities or interests they REALLY want in a man. What these women have done is diversionary: made themselves appealing enough to warrant a thousand hits or flirts or winks….which is very nice if they want to spend the next thousand nights having coffee with new guys. But they don’t. They just are afraid to say what the
Go for the most specific qualities you can think of and yes, you’ll narrow the field. But the men who contact you will feel they fill the bill, and even if there are three of them, you might get to talk about skiing and dancing and country music with someone who has a lot to say about these things you love. As for the other nine hundred ninety seven? Let someone else go out with them.