This goddess is thrilled at the response to the site! A few of you have already asked a similar question about internet dating (something the gods up here would cringe at the idea of, but never mind, they have other ways of meeting goddesses and anyway, it’s here to stay).
The question is, How to write a decent profile online?
I have lots to say about this, but I want to begin today with a simple orientation to my thinking–that is, The Goddess of Love’s perspective about meeting in cyberspace.
Today I want to aim my blog at women, who will know that a really good, authentic and rewarding self "advertisement" is as hard to find as a good, authentic and rewarding man. I’ll tell you why. We women, mortal and divine alike, are so used to self-presentation ("I’m tall, short, pretty, love swimming and moonlit beaches, love animals, love children," etc.), and to looking at ourselves from the male perspective, from our mother’s perspective, from the world’s perspective, that we’ve lost the ability to see the world, and men, as clearly; to look outward from our own eyes, not inward at ourselves. The real meat of the "ad" isn’t how you show yourself to others, it’s your Request, or your "Here’s what I WANT in a lover." This part takes self-knowledge, not just self-presentation. It’s not a matter of saying, "Come here, you’ll like what you see," it’s "Here’s what I want to see when I meet you." It’s your eyes we’re looking out from here; not the men on Match who are checking you out. This is tough for all of us to get.
You are not to generalize here, with murky words like "I want a lover who’s kind and open to having a good time over the weekend." Who ISN"T kind and open to having a good time over the weekend? Ditto murky words like "smart" and "attractive" and "loving." I promise you this: Every man on the planet–like every god in the pantheon–fancies himself smart and attractive and loving. Think hard about this–what is it you want to see and hear when you go to Starbucks and meet this guy after you’ve exchanged a thousand promising e-mails?–and be honest with yourself. (If you come back from Starbucks and say, "He was nice, but he was too short," or "He was okay, but I asked to go dancing, and he laughed," my response is, Did you ask for tall? Did you specify your need for a dancing partner? You must. Who cares if it sounds picky or dumb or that it reduces the number of responses by two thousand? IT"S YOUR LIFE you’re trying to enhance, not someone else’s and you only want a couple of responses, not a thousand, anyway. So: "I’d like a man who is taller than I, and who likes to do the hokey-pokey." Sound idiotic? Not to your heart, it doesn’t. Not to the one man out there who sees your ad and thinks, "Wow! I’m six feet tall….and I like to do the hokey-pokey!" .
Really write down, for now, what you really want, and be specific. Look out at the world of potential dates and choose on the basis of what will bring you real pleasure. Not just "I like to travel" (which is another Self-presentation point) but "I want to be with a man who knows how to camp for two weeks in the Utah high desert and will teach me how, too," which is a Request. Not many guys out there who can fill the bill? Who cares? You want one or two. Or maybe three.
I’ll be more specific about the elements of both Self-Presentation and Request in my "The Goddess Answers" segment. We’ll spend lots of time on this. My fervent hope for today is that you begin the task–it’s arduous, and we goddesses have been working on it for centuries–of getting clear about the Request; which is, after all, that which will bring you pleasure. Your own pleasure. Not your mom’s or dad’s. Not the world’s. Not your friends’. Yours. And then being gutsy enough to state it clearly, specifically, proudly. At least (for now) to yourself. Let me know how it goes. Good luck!
With love,
—The Love Goddess