Q. Dear Goddess: I’m single, with kids, divorced for a year, and in my late 30s. I have step-kids and stepparents and complicated interwoven friendships, not to mention a time-consuming career. I’m a woman with serious baggage. The idea of dating gives me a stomach ache, so what do I do?” –Busy
A. Dear Busy: I hear you. You’ve got more to do than a body can handle, and the very idea of creating a “profile” on some dating site and then screening for a recognizable human male, when using the net to do the recognizing is completely foreign and odious…..well, I have a stomach ache on your behalf. But I assume you’ve put out the feelers among your friends. No doubt everyone is On Alert as to helping you find someone, although even the most generous members of your family may be ambivalent about your moving on. So…..you have to date. But you have to redefine what it means to date. You’re not looking for a husband. You’re not trying to have a child. You’re not after a Life. You want….movies and popcorn and a glass of wine. So, that’s what you say in your profile. YOU SAY WHAT YOU WANT.
Too many women still frame their profiles as if they’re hoping someone will like them. It becomes about selling themselves, rather than focusing on expressing exactly, precisely, clearly what they’re looking for. You’re in a good position: Your needs are few but specific. So, don’t fret too much about it, just put it out there in very few words. Take the question you asked me, reframe it slightly, and say, “Looking for someone who wants a date Saturday night but doesn’t have time for much more….just like me. Could be handsome, but more important, understanding of my life.”
Obviously, you’ll use your own words. But you just tell the truth, ask for what you hope for, and maybe out of the 100-million singles out there, many of whom are on the net and as ambivalent about dating as you are, one nice guy who’s also incredibly busy will find you.
Let me know!
