Today is International Man Day. Founders (as reported this morning on “Good Morning America”) say it’s time for men to “reclaim their crown.”
Did men ever lose it? Are women not still honoring men by working to please them; to ensure connection with them? Are women not still helping men become not only the great providers they’ve always been but also better fathers, more nurturant husbands, more emotionally present human beings?-all of which are skills men didn’t have the luxury of developing when all they did all day and night was work.
I don’t mean to be disingenuous here: I know these are threatening times for men, some of whom feel disenfranchised in a culture that has women powering ahead so dramatically, not only in colleges and grad schools, but (most threateningly) in the workplace. But women still earn less for the same jobs. They still do what women always have done–be nurturant mothers, even as they get ahead in the workplace. So we’re all in this together, with both genders trying to be present at work and in the home in new ways that are satisfying to them.
The idea of “reclaiming the crown”-by being “traditionally” male and, as one commentator only half-jokingly suggested, by “being manly” and “punching someone”-only ensures that men will be further disenfanchised. We’re in a new era. Getting the crown by force is simply no longer possible, since that kind of man is no longer seen as manly by most people.
So let’s welcome International Man Day by welcoming the kind of man that IS manly, by any definition except the most outdated. To have work he enjoys and feels proud of,. To have a partner he is emotionally present with. This latter skill-being emotionally present-has to be developed, since it was not part of “being manly” in the days when men were asked to put a roof over their families’ heads, but little else. To develop a strong relationship with his kids.
To wear the crown today, a guy has to feel good about his skills both at work and at home. It’s sounds a whole lot easier than it is. But being a king never was a breeze.
