Dear Goddess, I’ve recently gotten a divorce. Suddenly I’m finding that some people–particularly people at my church–are acting chilly towards me. I feel as if I’ve done something terribly wrong by getting a divorce. What do I do?
Ah, yes, the Righteousness Crew has come out! You don’t say what denomination your church is, but I have some good news for you. Everyone gets divorced: The good, the bad, the holier-than-thou. And yet , as you are seeing, righteousness-that pretense that someone is beyond reproach; that he or she is incapable of choosing anything but the highest moral ground–is everywhere. The thing about righteousness is this: It always makes me wonder what on earth is being covered up.
Because basically, we all do the same things, whether we’re just normal people or belong to the holier-than-thou set. I long ago found out that adultery statistics are precisely the same among the highly religious as among the so-called (by them) heathens!
Divorce statistics know no good and bad folk, either. To wit: Born again Christians are more likely to marry, according to the Barna Group’s recent marriage study of 5017 adults selected from across the continental U.S. (84 percent next to 74 percent among people aligned with nonChristian faiths, and 65 percent among agnostics and atheists) but guess what? They’re as likely to divorce as everyone else on the planet! Specifically, born again Christians who are not evangelical (meaning, those who meet less stringent criteria among the born-again sect than do evangelical born agains) were indistinguishable from the national average: 33 per cent have been married and divorced. Moreover, when evangelicals and non-evangelical born again Christians are combined into a class of born again adults, their divorce number is statistically identical to that of non-born again adults: 32 per cent vs. 33 percent!
So, my dear newly divorced friend: Just pay them no mind. And know that, whether you believe in God or in the Love Goddess, or both, you down there in America are all likely to behave in startlingly similar ways. You marry often You divorce a bit less often. Statistics prove it, and statistics are the great equalizer:they keep the holier-than-thou crowd from getting too much in your face.
Meanwhile, you have a few choices. You can say to these people who disapprove, “Yes, I’m getting a divorce. And I do hope you’ll find it in your merciful heart to forgive me.” Or you can go for the slightly less sarcastic: “I’ve joined half of all married people, don’t you know, who untie the knot. An amazing figure–50 percent–don’t you think?” and then let them rail against the half of all marrieds that they so disapprove of.
Or you can smile sweetly and say, “Yes, I’m divorced, but not for long! I have my eye on my next husband, and this one (smile lasciviously) is bound to be forever.” And do get yourself in trim. It’s going to be time, before you know it, to begin a new love affair–even if that seems preposterous to you at this moment. Keep coming to this site!
