Here’s what you know about her.
She was gorgeous. Thin, long-legged, big-breasted; oh– and successful; and speaks four languages; and….blah blah.
You are obsessed with her. With finding out more. Why did she leave? How long did he take to get over it? HAS he gotten over it? Where does she live? Is she thinking of COMING BACK?
So you look for letters. You ask, does he dream about her? What did he love about her…her voice? Her hair?
You think this will bring you closer to him? Really? I don’t think so.
The elaborate dossier you dredge up on this woman is nothing more than the beginning of one of womankind’s most futile of all searches and most deluded of all fantasies. Because the more you uncover, the unhappier you’ll be. Scratching around in his past will intensify your jealousy, competitiveness and insecurity. Nothing is more hopeless than scratching around and finding more, more more….oh, well, yes, it’s more hopeless if she happens to be dead. Then you’re doomed. Because not only is she the One that Got Away, she’s also a saint.
Always fun to compete with a saint.
In this hopeless pursuit, you, hardly a saint, are not just objective person looking for knowledge about your new friend. You’re an obsessed person looking for reassurance. Obsessed persons cannot be reassured.
There’s only one thing you need to know about his old girlfriend. And that’s that she is his old girlfriend.
If what you’re doing is feeling something about him that’s scaring you-like, that HE is obsessed with her, not you, then that’s a different thing. If her picture is still around; if the two of you talk about her a lot-even if it’s about how he hates her-take heed. Maybe he wants her surrounding him. Maybe he wants to torture you with this ghost of a girlfriend. (And speaking of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, did you see that movie? Is there some reason moviemakers want to continue with the ludicrous concept that a man will change if he finds the right woman? Or that a woman has a prayer of changing a man? Please, ladies! You don’t change men! )
But back to the point. Obsession with the past is murder on the present. If you won’t let the old girlfriend go, I have to ask you: Why won’t you? Why are you guaranteeing her a place in your fragile new relationship? Why are you setting up so that it’s you, him and her, the larger-than-life, sainted, omnipresent guest. A hideous menage. And you invited her!
Now there’s something to obsess about.
