It’s worse than that he’s no longer into you; he no longer loves you. He doesn’t return your calls. He is seeing someone else. You’ve got to get it together, but something has come apart in you, and you can’t. I’m here to tell you how to get a grip. I promise, from thousands of years of experience, it will help. You won’t have to bury your misery–that’s a losing technique , since you can’t heal what you can’t feel; you’ll just hasten the grieving process. Fast.
1. Take to your bed. You feel like throwing up; your head is spinning; you’re having trouble breathing. You have, my sweet lover, been kicked in the stomach. YOu’re ill, so you must call in sick. Make tea and cinnamon toast and play old Bonnie Raitt and Robert Johnson cds and do not leave home for at least 24 hours. Talk to no one you have to be perky with, or have to dissemble for, and hang up on anyone who tells you to buck up.
2. Do not call him. Do not. Nursing a kick in the teeth is healthy; asking for another is masochism. It’s natural to want to go to the source of your pain for solace, but that is what abused children and battered wives do–you do not. You will not feel better hearing his voice. You will not feel better trying to reestablish contact, as he will refuse it.
3. Do not get a beauty makeover. No short haircut, no new makeup, no copper highlights for you–not till this program is over. Nothing will be cute perched atop your puffy, tear-filled eyes. Nothing will brighten your green, sad skin. Jilted hair doesn’t take color well. Shafted complexions eat new makeup and turn it into blackheads. A dumped person could inhale all the beauty products in Christendom and still convey a look of fear and rejection.
4. Let others take care of you. Whoever says to you, “What can I do to help?”–answer them. Let your best friend hear your obsessional stories; let other friends bring you fresh juice from the health food store or get you some stress (B) vitamins. Go to friends’ homes for dinner once, if you know you’re not fit for human consumption, but only once: Your best friend probably cannot be used up, but the others can. Since it’s only once, you may act miserable for that one time, in tthe spirit of not faking it–and not use up anyone’s patience. Let friends give you gifts of sustenance–protein drinks, vitamins, herbs….they want to help, and in fact they probably will be doing so, since you truly are depleted.
More tomorrow, dearest forlorn lover, before you even get out of your bed!
Love,
Great post on breakup survival! It’s such a tough thing to go through ansd we’ve all been there. I loved how you said to ahng up on people who tell you to cheer up – good one! Looking forward to your next installment. – Ronnie