Q: My boyfriend and I both have teenagers who don’t know we’re having sex. My shrink says, “Tell them.” My boyfriend’s shrink says, “Tell them nothing. They’ll find out when you arise one day out of the bedroom.” Who’s right? –Glenda
A: Dear Glenda, I’m for telling them. Silence hides news that is crucial to their lives as well as yours. Young teenagers are in one of the most sexual, if latently so, phases of their lives, and wouldn’t they be fascinated to know how sexual choices are made by the most important people they know? Think of all that they’ll get to hear: You love each other; you intend to be together; you’ve thought carefully about what that will mean to them. Even if the kids are resentful for the moment, they’ll get the long-run benefits of knowing what’s going on–as well as a getting glimpse into all that goes into making a responsible sexual decision.