Comments on: Whatever happened to Courtship?

By: the love goddess

the love goddess — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 18:23:24 +0000

I’m not sure how flagging your relationship is, Julia, but I do know that Maggie Scarf’s findings jibe with my own. Loving words liberally offered have a HUGE impact on a relationship–far greater than we might imagine (the word “endearment” sounds so trivial, doesn’t it?)and the simplest kind sentences have a profound impact. Think of the doors that open when you hear, “Sweetie, we need to decide about this,” and not, “So, have you gotten around to this yet?” or, worse, “Are we ever going to get around to this?” We’re far more tender, far more vulnerable, than we like to think, and find ourselves reeling from snideness, dismissiveness and sarcasm, particularly when the tone is ongoing and we’re already having having trouble getting along. My own lover–whom I’ve been with for centuries–calls me “Darling” much of the time he addresses me, and it has the most amazing, relaxing effect; as though whatever else we might be going through is less important than the abiding, underlying affection. As though the negative things are of the moment–the “darling” will last.
It’s hard, in a relationship that is devoid of endearments, to suddenly begin speaking them, but it can’t hurt. Disarming a chilly, thoughtless man with some warmth and loving words–and keeping it up–can be a satisfying game (unless you’re rebuffed), and can make you feel as if you’re tapping into old feelings you’re like to have again. As you know, when one partner makes a change, often the other will, too. Good luck!
–TLG

By: Julia Watson, Cambridge, MA

Julia Watson, Cambridge, MA — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:23:48 +0000

Dear Goddess, I just read an interview with the well-known, and highly regarded writer, Maggie Scarff, who has a book coming out on the single trait that all (or most)happily married couples have in common. Not great sex or being best friends: the happiest couples make it a habit of telling each other, “I love you” and other endearments” on a daily basis. Do you agree with Scharff about this? Do you think a wife (or husband) can revive a flagging relationship with some kind words? Julia W, from Cambridge, MA.

By: the love goddess

the love goddess — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 01:19:45 +0000

The Love Goddess is HERE to hear your questions and give advice! Ask away…..
–The Love Goddess

By: joni

joni — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 21:11:36 +0000

I love this article. Do you mind if I keep asking more advice?